Bern on Old School Gamers

OSRealms -- Session 169

Wed, 14 May 2025 21:53:21 -0500

Bern
#

Snarkscorn let us go, but confiscated my heavy shield and the religious relics we had acquired from the abbey. We needed the money from selling those; the crookhorns won’t do anything with them except desecrate them. St Clewd means nothing to me, but the money would have. He also claimed a prize from each of us, and offered to return it if we completed a task. There would be gold in it for us as well, 1000gp each. But the mission was to kidnap a local noble, Lady Harold, and bring her to his camp alive. None of us were enthusiastic about that, but perhaps we can find a way to double-cross the crookhorns.

OSRealms -- Session 168

Wed, 07 May 2025 21:04:23 -0500

Bern
#

The sailors wanted no part of any plan that involved fighting, once they heard there were a dozen crookhorns on the bridge. We had the captain drop us off on the east bank and proceed upriver in his barge. Our new plan was to find the path back to the crookhorn camp and set up an ambush for the leader when he returned. While traveling back to his camp, he would presumably leave some of his guards by the bridge, and be more vulnerable. I was able to find their trail and set the group up in a safe spot to await the targets.

OSRealms -- Session 167

Wed, 30 Apr 2025 22:14:51 -0500

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Bern
#

The first order of business in Fort Vulgar was to collect the information we had paid for concerning the Pillar of Ambule. The local priest had dutifully collected it for us. According to the records he had found, Ambule is a local God of earth, protection and good fortune. His symbol is a single black hexagonal eye. Ambule is reported to make pacts in return for protection from hags and other creatures, and those pacts apparently involve service for life. If the service is not granted, the soul will be collected. The details of these pacts and what collecting the soul might mean, aside from the obvious, death, was not clear. Most of this information came by way of another priest called Haymen, who had once lived on the northern shores of Lake Longmere. From the age of the records, that was some time ago, and that particular priest was unlikely to still be alive.

OSRealms -- Session 166

Wed, 16 Apr 2025 22:01:28 -0500

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Bern
#

Our travels back toward the inn were interrupted by a rain of fire. We paused, took shelter and waited it out, but the delay was costing time we couldn’t spare. It cleared up by noon, and we moved on, but the next day was filled with storms. Normal storms, just rain and lightning and wind, not the burning. It cost us more time. And we were off schedule already. Pelf seemed antsy; she was on a timer to deliver her ingredients and they would likely go bad if she took too long.

OSRealms -- Session 165

Wed, 09 Apr 2025 21:19:27 -0500

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Bern
#

We made our first few inquiries at the market. The prices inside the walls are no better than those outside the walls and if anything, possibly worse. Asking about sources of ale, the cheapest available was a barrel of old schweissner’s at 20gp each, and we would need two barrels to “paint the walls” of the abbey, but carts are sold for 5x the normal prices. When we asked about renting a cart, they laughed at us. We chose to look for liquor elsewhere. Tough was able to find most of the ingredients requested by the hag. But had to make the payments herself. The Unicorn meat, she was offered. Seemed somewhat sketchy. Apparently it does not come from a real unicorn, but a particular variety of local deer that is believed to taste and feel like Unicorn meat. Whether this will satisfy the hag, I have no idea. I’m still much happier giving a fake unicorn delicacy to a hag, then killing a real Unicorn for the same purpose.

OSRealms -- Session 164

Wed, 02 Apr 2025 21:19:27 -0500

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Bern
#

After a long stay at the inn. I was back in fighting shape. We agreed to rest one more night before continuing on. You hear? And I haunted to build up our supplies, while Pelf spent her time talking with the cook in the basement and doing the accounting for the inn. Pelf concluded that the inn was spending most of its income on raw materials for the cook and that was responsible for its noticeable lack of profits.

OSRealms -- Session 163

Thu, 27 Mar 2025 00:33:28 -0500

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Bern
#

We were all in bad shape, even the barbarian. Seeking a place of refuge, we left the area near the abbey and headed northwest following the road. Prior reports suggested to keep in this direction, but we were unsure how far we would have to travel to reach it. When it neared time to camp. We found a tree. Lit by fairy lights. Small creatures. Fluttering about with their wings. They did not appear to speak our language. But we offered them silver. And they allowed us to camp beneath their tree without molestation.

OSRealms -- Session 162

Wed, 19 Mar 2025 16:21:04 -0500

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Bern
#

We gave the rag-man his ten skulls. In return, he told us that the portal could be closed by finding “the charge”, a strange creature born of fused chaos magic and divine magic, somewhere in the tomb of St Clewd. The creature would need to enter the portal – willingly or not. Then the portal would close, if the rag-man was being honest.

OSRealms -- Session 161

Thu, 06 Mar 2025 14:05:04 -0600

Bern
#

Something followed u-Heury and I up the stairs. I still cannot name it. It was a cloud with tentacles, and ominous crackles of lightning, like a storm cloud only smaller and much closer. Plus the tentacles.

Spooked by the number of enemies following him, u-Heury called for us to run and hide. We both climbed through the nearby window to take advantage of the natural terrain, and concealed ourselves nearby. We were waiting to see if the ominous cloud would follow beyond the stairs, or retreat below. When it eventually did follow us out the window, the cloud overlooked me in my hiding spot. It moved towards u-Heury instead and moved towards him. Seeing my chance, I struck with sword and shield. It seemed insubstantial, but the enchantments on both of my weapons did damage. Substantial damage. I could see it waver and flicker for a moment. But then it let out a bright flash of light. It felt as if I had been sunburned.

OSRealms -- Session 160

Wed, 26 Feb 2025 20:41:24 -0600

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Bern
#

No one felt quite ready to take on the rag man. After some discussion, we decided to investigate the Abbott’s study. The secret door into his study had been smashed open by the party prior to my arrival. Morin and Pish scouted ahead. The study itself was empty, but Pish heard voices from close by and moved to investigate. She was immediately spotted. As it turns out, the next room had a force of knights standing guard, the ones who had refused to flee after the exit was revealed. They were not at all happy to see Pish or Morin. We managed to talk them out of fighting, and found a small anteroom filled with knights and monks who appeared unwell. u-Heury speculated they had not come all the way back from being resurrected in he pool. The Abbot himself was among the disabled knights, and he essentially threw us out.

OSRealms -- Session 159

Thu, 13 Feb 2025 00:20:39 -0600

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Bern
#

After a few agonizing minutes, the rest of the group emerged from the tower entrance. Above, the dark bird-like construct of shadows and rags took flight towards the graveyard. Sensing an opportunity, I remained in hiding, allowing the group to visibly leave the bell tower grounds while the construct presumably kept a suspicious eye on them. Instead, I snuck into the bell tower myself.

OSRealms -- Session 158

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 20:46:06 -0600

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Bern
#

We rested and recuperated for a few days. I was still hurt, but not badly, when the blood moon was starting to set; Rowan and Pisha worried that might be a time limit for the missing children, so we needed to act quickly. We formed a plan.

Morin would sneak trough the window into the gatehouse, grab the monk’s body, and sneak it out the window. Rowan and Pisha would use spells to create a distraction to draw the attention of the gargoyles. Sanfire and I would try to kill one of the gargoyles (the wounded one at least) and keep them away from Morin. I loaned Sanfire my sword so he would be a threat.

OSRealms -- Session 157

Fri, 31 Jan 2025 02:54:55 -0600

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Bern
#

I woke up late, with quite a headache. No idea exactly what happened… except there was a waning moon, just a sliver less than full. Pappy’s curse must have taken over. The rest of the group had taken their gear and left, presumably when they saw my empty bedroll and couldn’t find me. No blood or signs of struggle, so I must have managed to get far enough away before the curse took over.

OSRealms -- Session 156

Wed, 20 Nov 2024 20:47:35 -0600

Bern
#

We investigated the skeleton found at the bottom of the tower where Violet, Lady Harrowmore’s daughter, had been abducted from. It was badly damaged, perhaps from a fall. A dosh of embalmer’s whiskey made it talk; it admitted to abducting Violet on the orders of Mister Rag-n-Bones. It claimed the girl had been taken to “the abbey”. I looked for tracks and found little, just a hint or two of something heading southwest. The lady suggested there were old religious buildings near a river to the southwest of her domain, which could be the abbey it referred to. We decided to travel there to look into it.

OSRealms -- Session 133

Wed, 10 Apr 2024 22:37:28 -0500

Bern
#

Somehow we managed to escape the supernatural pull of the henge, and decided it was time for a break from adventure after that close call.

I passed the tip about Aster’s fashions and the market in Prigswort to Oscar, who made an obscene amount of money trading on it.

Nottanis spent some time researching the ivy ring we found, which turned out to be capable of magically controlling plants. I’m sure he’ll find that very useful. I’m more useful hitting things, but his weak elf arms aren’t as strong as mine. The half-elf was also smirking about something he wouldn’t talk about, so no doubt he’s got some sort of surprise cooking.

OSRealms -- Session 132

Wed, 03 Apr 2024 22:37:28 -0500

Bern
#

We traveled further towards the southwest, but ended up walking in circles. I made the best of it and hunted up a small fox. There wasn’t enough left for a hat.

Later on we encountered two groups of four strange walkers. We evaded them and watched the two groups meet up and become a circle of eight. They headed off in a new direction together, one close to a weird magnetic pull we were all feeling. We went in the same general direction, figuring it might be a pull leading us towards the hag’s lair.

OSRealms -- Session 131

Wed, 27 Mar 2024 22:10:15 -0500

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Bern
#

We sold the smurf balls and devil’s grease to the herbalist Wyrmspittle for about 50 gp. u-Heury somehow showed up while we were there, asking about herbs of a rather more delicate nature. He was a normal size again by then, and we introduced him around to the new folks and vice versa. I made some inquiries about setting up a trade in fashion garb on Oscar’s behalf, he’ll want to try to take advantage of the trade opportunity in selling Aster’s works in Prigswort.

OSRealms -- Session 130

Wed, 20 Mar 2024 22:10:15 -0500

Bern
#

We went to the Wrinkled Medley to further the investigation into Mr. Klepp. My finely tailored weatherproof cloak and an outlandish haircut got me in past the generally hoity-toity doorman. The bard Hugh was auditioning for a musical act of some time, and the rest of us were tagging along to get information

One of the guests, Mr Wyrmspittle, mentioned Mr Klepp, noting that he had been unwell and not getting out much. The guest, who owns a herbalist shop (#9), mentioned that Klepp lives near his shop (at #21). I promised him first right to purchase any grey poupon seeds, which I described as a type of mustard seed particularly suited for crustless sandwiches, in return for the information.

OSRealms -- Session 127

Wed, 07 Feb 2024 20:51:27 -0600

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Bern
#

After Ygnas announced that she had used the stone arch as a portal to the elemental plane of fire and burned down the town, we fled. We stuck to the road for about four hours, eventually meeting up with Kiba well outside of town and spending the night there. In the morning we investigated the signs of a battle between mosslings are some sort of winged creature. The details were unclear, but there was a dead mossling with four blue nuts. I took his nuts; they might be valuable.

OSRealms -- Session 126

Wed, 24 Jan 2024 22:43:18 -0600

Bern
#

Somehow a bunch of fresh faces from the Glorious Blades joined us out here. How they found us I have no idea. Pretty sure I don’t know where I am at this point. But Rowen must have had something to do with it, since she wandered out of town muttering about ley lines about the same time. I let her go without comment. I don’t need ley lines, I need my arm fixed. I did ask Kiba if she brought my wardogs from camp. This was supposed to be a quick excursion to help u-Heury with his winter princess before a quick trip back to base to figure out a plan for the hag. Somehow we skipped the back to base part. She denied having the dogs. Oh well. They might have come in handy.

OSRealms -- Session 125

Wed, 10 Jan 2024 23:59:26 -0600

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Bern
#

Ygnas caught up to join us, and we left town to the south after picking up the weatherproof cloak Rowen had ordered for me. About the cloak, the less said the better. It’s waterproof, and highly visible. I think the designer described it as plaid. Or maybe paisley. I don’t know what those words mean, but a blind elephant could see this cloak from miles away. I’m going to have to pack it back up any time I need to hide. As soon as I can afford a new one, I’m cutting this one up and making a ghilley suit.

OSRealms -- Session 124

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 06:57:11 -0600

Bern
#

The “not that simple” part started when Rowen burst through the door. We explained what was happening with the mossy dwarf, and trekked back to Blackeswell, passing a strange black iron cauldron on the way. Someone had hidden it next to a wolf’s den. When we woke up in the morning, it had moved closer to me, apparently by itself. Creepy.

OSRealms -- Session 123

Wed, 13 Dec 2023 23:59:26 -0600

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Bern
#

We traveled further south and encountered the town of Blackeswell, which was very fishy. All the food and drink smelled strongly of fish and was quite green. We refused to take more than a single sip or swallow of the stuff, fearing we would turn as green as most of the populace. We spoke to a priest who claimed to serve St Gondyw, but he was completely unwelcoming and would rather be rid of us. He also seemed to have an unholy interest in one Mr. Clep, who (according to other townsfolk) had recently arrived in the city and was buying up property rapidly for unspecified purposes.

OSRealms -- Session 122

Thu, 07 Dec 2023 00:08:19 -0600

Bern
#

u-Heury finally made his wish: “I wish for my beautiful princess, who remains loyal to me through time, to come to me, riding on her mammoth when it is time to form my kingdom.” The kid spent a mighty long time thinking to come up with that. He seems to think he deserves a kingdom, a beautiful princess, and a mammoth. The loyal bit was an interesting twist, and I’m curious how tall his princess and her mammoth will be seeing as he was about 6 inches tall when he made the wish. That part, at least, wore off eventually.

OSRealms -- Session 118

Thu, 05 Oct 2023 01:40:37 -0500

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Bern
#

Selaena managed to get us an update: the Princess was overjoyed to hear that her True Love yet lived and sought her embrace, but insisted on seeing the ring before actually doing anything. So we tried to arrange another distraction. The guests kept demanding new and obscure dishes (everything from roast swan to pizza rolls) and sending the waitstaff – us – down to the kitchens to get it. u-Heury was downstairs trying to arrange for his wrestling match with the ogre when Selaena managed to sneak upstairs again – this time with the ring and and plan.

OSRealms -- Session 114

Wed, 23 Aug 2023 22:49:39 -0500

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Bern
#

We returned to Westkeep for a few days to heal, sealing the tomb again on the way out. On the trip back, we noticed a strange tree shaped like a gigantic foot, and a flock of hawk-deer hybrids. We avoided both. In Westkeep, I passed on the news about the gnome and his grain to the local priest. Seleana volunteered to look for herbs to help our recovery, and I went hunting to help pay for her room at the inn in return. We all picked up proper winter clothes, then returned to the tomb. u-Heury complained of the ghost in the ring talking to him the whole time.

OSRealms -- Session 113

Thu, 17 Aug 2023 00:18:49 -0500

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Bern
#

I had been putting this damn arm problem off long enough. I got the Glorious Blades back together in Westwood, planning to explore the Dolmenwood and make contact with a fae who might be able to fix my arm… somehow. It wasn’t as well planned as I’d like but I was out of ideas and so were the local churches.

OSRealms -- Session 63

Thu, 16 Jun 2022 00:40:40 -0500

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Bern
#

So we stumbled around in the forest for a while, looking for a mound and finding nothing. We did find a nest of phase spiders, which are like normal spiders except they can disappear, and have an absolutely vicious poison that takes ten minutes to kill you. We didn’t realize they were phase spiders at first; the kid shot one with his bow and hurt it a bit, but I put in a solid hit with mine and it just bounced off. Something about the kid lets him hit the spiders when I can’t. Maybe he’s dipping his arrows into one of those poltices he is always talking about. I’ll have to watch him more closely, maybe I can learn something.

OSRealms -- Session 62

Thu, 09 Jun 2022 00:29:01 -0500

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Bern
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Oscar sent word that he had found a sword that might work well for me. Apparently it has some history with the White League, a group of rangers dedicated to opposing … things. It’s a little unclear exactly what things. This one is supposed to oppose scales, even though we found it in the barrow of a dead lizard king, and the blade itself is covered in serpent markings. When I drew it to test the balance, it spoke to me, briefly, and asked if I was willing to oppose scales. I said sure, I’m all about the fur. My pappy was a werewolf, after all, I have no truck with scaly things. I think I can get along with this sword.

OSRealms -- Session 41

Thu, 16 Dec 2021 00:24:12 -0600

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Bern
#

When I woke up the next morning, the weird barbed sword was gone. We looked and couldn’t find it anywhere. Weird.

We took our two mules, 3 fighting men and a torchbearer. Well. Lantern bearer since I paid for a lantern. Feeling guilty about that damned box for some reason. And went back to the grotto after the magic box, in case it was worth something, whether still magical or just as a curiousity. We got to the grotto without incident, though it rained, which raised water levels. Got the box (which did not re-close when the door was replaced) back up to the mules outside the grotto and rigged to carry. Then went back in to see what else we could find.

OSRealms -- Session 40

Thu, 09 Dec 2021 00:20:32 -0600

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Bern
#

Once we finished picking up the treasure from the box, we took the time to search the bodies of the dead trogolodytes and the rest of their throne room. They were keepin’ skulls of their dead in a display case, complete with little labels. We took four of those. There was a snakeskin map and some blank snakeskin parchments. And, there was a short sword with jagged, serrated edges hidden in the cushion of a trashed sofa of some kind. (Are the trogolodytes fishy frat boys or something?) I claimed the sword, suspecting it was magical and knowing u-Heury wouldn’t want anything to do with it, Ygnas couldn’t touch it, and Ahnjela had a magic sword already. We also found a little more loose coin.

OSRealms -- Session 39

Thu, 02 Dec 2021 00:10:08 -0600

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Bern
#

I was itching to try out my new trained wardog Snausages. Got him from Feverborne when I mentioned buying some wardogs, he figured three were better than two and he ain’t wrong. Sanfire mentioned he figured out the riddle of the mystery box, and told me the answer… didn’t make me promise not to go get it first. His mistake. Since the Gray Company had been pestering us to change our name, we talked it over and decided we should become the The Glorious Blades.

OSRealms -- Session 33

Sat, 23 Oct 2021 20:34:06 -0500

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Bern
#

So I was drinking with the Butchers of Helix when a couple of the new recruits stumbled in telling tales of some caves to the north full of treasure (and also goblins and kobolds). Sounded worth exploring so I grabbed Ahnjela and Ygnas (not literally) and we talked out our plan. They didn’t want to pay for any cannon fodder. I don’t get along with people so good. I did buy two war dogs, complete with their armor. Most money I have ever spent on anything. And we got someone to hold a torch. I thought Ygnas liked to hold torches, but a mace is more useful really.

OSRealms -- Session 29

Sat, 25 Sep 2021 19:44:26 -0500

Bern
#

When I saw that thing with too many mouths behind the secret door, there was only one thing to do. I braced myself to resist it’s gurgling and slammed the door shut, then took a good look around me.

Everyone else was nuts, even the jelly skellies.

I did the only thing that made sense. I ran to the middle door, the one the skellies didn’t care about, opened it and ran in, closing the door behind me. I tried to ignore the noise from outside while I felt around the dark room. It had a strange black robe with an embroidered design and a lever on one of the shelves.

OSRealms -- Session 19

Fri, 06 Aug 2021 14:59:41 -0500

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Bern
#

Huh. Grunty’s back.

Last I saw him, he disappeared while I was looking into one o them crystals in the grotto for just a moment. (Still a silly name for a silly place). I searched for tracks and eventually headed back to town without seeing any sign of him, then went back with Stria. And then today he shows up wanting to try again.

OSRealms -- Session 18

Sun, 01 Aug 2021 06:49:03 -0500

Stria
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I spent the off season profitably poisoning farmers who had mistreated their wives. Bern said he had a lead to possible profit, so I tagged along with him after we decided there was no emergency requiring us to look into acquaintances missing behind a mysterious door in the library. We hired a naive fighter named Bran for the trip. He got off on the wrong foot with me by insisting on 3 gold a day as his fee, just because he didn’t like the look of us.

OSRealms -- Session 16

Thu, 22 Jul 2021 00:27:06 -0500

Bern
#

Met a new feller today. Short and stocky, grunted a lot. Asked his name, he grunted. Asked how he got ’ere, he grunted. Ask where he wanted to go, he grunted. Asked if he wanted ya pay me ta guide him into the forest and find treasure and kill monsters. You guessed it, he grunted, so off we went.

OSRealms -- Session 15

Sat, 03 Jul 2021 20:15:49 -0500

Bern
#

So we decided to stop sniffing around doors and start opening them.

The ornate snake door led to a staircase leading down. That’s a nope, at least for now. Maybe when we’re done here.

The room without a door led to a small hallway filled with clay snake statues. They all had real metal swords with visible rust, meaning likely they animate if disturbed or somehow activated. We carefully slipped past without touching the statues and checked the far end; nothing noticeable.

OSRealms -- Session 12

Sun, 20 Jun 2021 12:48:24 -0500

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Bern
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I came to Eastdale looking for guide work, leading people through the wilderness. Don’t really like people much. Animals are much simpler, I know where I stand out in the wilds. Difference between a dog and a wolf and a cat you can see and smell and taste. Humans, well, some of us will lie to ya and cheat ya and kill ya and we all look the same. But sometimes ya need stuff only humans can really do. Talk, even if it’s just listening in a corner at a bar. Metal tools. Alcohol. Can’t do everything yourself and then you have to do something else to pay for it.

OSRealms -- Bern

Fri, 04 Jun 2021 16:21:04 -0500

Bern
#

Bern is currently a 4th level ranger. He wields the Azure Serpent Blade, which has two brother blades he seeks, paired with a bent and twisted shield of orcish design. It is reputed to preserve a corpse from decay if laid over the body.

Rumor has it that near on a score of years past, a woman mated with a werewolf in the woods west of Eastdale, and the man known as Bern o’ the Wild is the result of their mad, frenzied coupling. His friends, if he had any, would say it was the source of his freakish strength. His enemies say it’s why no one likes him. Bern says it’s mutual and stays in the woods most of the time. He sometimes offers to guide travelers in the area in exchange for an equal share in whatever treasure they recover. That way he doesn’t have to go into town to sell anything he might find himself.